At the end of this post, you will not know how to deprogram yourself. But this title is not clickbait either. Not at all actually. This post contains much valuable information to empower you, teach you and show you, what deprogramming yourself can look like. What life after deprogramming can look like. So welcome to Deprogramming 101.
We highly advise to read part 1 first!
What is Programming 101 in dissociative identity disorder – part 1
[disclaimer: we advice to do this together with a specialist therapist, but also won’t lie and say here honestly that we did this by ourselves without a therapist, simply because there are no (we can’t find any) therapists willing to touch this, work on this and sometimes outright say it’s impossible to be programmed or to be deprogrammed.]
So first off all let me introduce you to our alter Cori. Cori was a memory bank. Spoke only like a programmed robot when she was activated. Cori was a console in the hallway of our castle in the inside world. A console many of us never dared to press the buttons on. We did not know what it was, what it was for or what would happen.
After much healing, in year 3 after our diagnosis, someone decided it was time to figure out what this console was. Marleen pressed the on button. A robotic voice came out of the console. Always saying the same things. Cori had a password. On of the alters from another sub system, knew the password. One of the first things Cori asked was to be updated on the current date so she could check her systems. Well many years had passed. And she instantly said something is wrong, or in her language; ”error, error, error. I should be activated at least once a year to stay updated.”
We told her that technology had completely changed over the last years. And that we could easily upgrade and improve her. That we could give her a body, like the others. That she would be free to speak whenever she wanted to. She said she was not sure if she truly wanted that for ever. So we gave her the option to turn her human simulation mode on or off as she pleases. She now has a sort of holographic body and walks and talks around freely. She has her own bedroom in the castle, even though she does not need sleep, everyone got one, so hence so did she, we include her. She has a friend, Lisa. Who is half cyborg herself. And Cori became one of the best assets in our system and the deprogramming work we have done.
One of the first things Cori said was that she needed a simulation room with the most advanced technology. Now as you might already know, inside anything is possible.
So we invented tech that does not exist (yet?) for Cori to use. Before we deprogram someone, Cori runs many simulations, to see which one has the best outcome and thats than our plan of action. By doing this she can also see what would set of other programming and that way we can keep ourselves as safe as possible.
We decided and learned a long time ago, long before we activated Cori, that we should learn what ”they” knew, learn how to do it better and safer and trauma free. Well Cori had many, many ideas on how to do that. How to reclaim our own mind as ours and ours alone. What we choose out of free will is always stronger than that forced upon us. Because the brain, mind and subconscious rather follows one’s heart desire then lies, trauma and pain of the past. So i dare to say here, that everyone can (learn how to) re and/or deprogram themselves if they truly wish to do that. And that, is often where it goes wrong.
Some want it, but they don’t wish for it, because we were told so many lies about what would happen. Fear plays a major part. We slowly proved to each other that nothing would happen if we did XYZ. And that if we would trigger other programming, we could deal with that just as well as what we started to work on. And we will always be thankful to those alters brave enough to start and prove that nothing would happen.
Some inside still have a great desire to go back there those people (inside alters), we can’t reprogram. It’s not their hearts desire.
And all of us needed proof, being convinced, time, healing, understanding, knowledge hence power and we needed each other to do it. It was our 5 year goal, to get rid of all programming. That did not work out. First we were really sad. Then we realised that instead, we had mastered how to do it safely and ethically. We could technically have gotten rid of it all. But we choose to let alters be free in their desires as long as they dont act upon it. We never have, nor will we ever, force an alter to be re/deprogrammed because it would not work, (without traumatizing them) because it’s not a hearts desire for them and it’s not what they choose out of free will and hence its not stronger than that forced upon us and hence it can only bring more trouble. We do however sometime ”force” an alter to see the truth. But only when our safety is in jeopardy. We do this by showing them memories and reminding them or showing them the truth about whom those people actually were.
Please be kind to yourself, use lots of selfcare. Make sure you have a buddy inside, ready to help the alter adjust to a new free life. Have a crisis plan in place. Make sure you first study this subject well enough both from outside resources and inside resources!! Please don’t be reckless, please don’t accidently become the next abuser. Always use this to improve the overall quality and safety of the collective system life only. Have pure intentions. Prove they lied, prove there are no consequences, prove that a free life is possible, connect and bond with this very hurt, very traumatized and programmed alters. Don’t just jump in with the ”lets deprogram you” – It requires more trust than a normal friendship. It requires the kind of trust only alters can have in each other.