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So, you’ve just discovered that you’re Plural. There are no doubt a lot of questions and concerns running through your head right now, and chances are there are a million and one different thoughts on each and every aspect of your experience. You’ve spent your entire life up until now believing yourself to just be one consciousness in one body, no more and no less.
If you’re like many other Plurals out there, you’ve likely believed all the previous signs and indicators of Plurality to be a symptom of something else. You may have conceptualized your experience with different headmates having distinct tastes and interests as just being caused by something like ADHD and varying hyperfixations. A lack of memory could be attributed to something like depression or (C)PTSD. Periods of dissociation were just written off as either a trauma response or some kind or daydreaming. With Plurality, your understanding of how these different disorders and diagnoses in relation to your experiences gets thrown for a loop, often leaving you without a clue of what to do.
Alternatively, you may have just written these off as unique quirks of your own experience. Many Plurals simply ignored their indicators of Plurality and viewed them as something that was just a bizarre quirk of their psyche. Any experiencing of phenomena that seemed to diverge you from the singlet norm may have been sidelined and ignored as something you can’t or shouldn’t worry much about.
No matter how you’ve understood your experiences until now, no matter what you’ve been through, what matters is that you’re here now. You are Plural – you are not alone. You possibly have never been alone and will never be again – you share your brain, your body, your life with other individuals and consciousnesses who are all each trying to find their way in this world.
Everything Is Okay
The first thing that you should know is that this is all okay. You are not crazy, you are not bad, and you are not wrong for being Plural. Millions of people across the globe are Plural, and live full, enriching lives with themselves, their headmates, their friends, and their family. Plurality is not something to be scared of, it isn’t something to shun. It’s an amazing and wonderful part of the human – or nonhuman if that’s how your headmates identify – experience. Plurality is something to treasure, to love, to find joy in.
It isn’t all easy and it certainly isn’t simple, but it isn’t something that’s bad or makes you deserving of harm. No matter who you are and what role you play in your Plurality, you’re important and valuable.
There’s no doubt there will be people along the way who will discourage you. Many out there unjustly stigmatize Plurality or gatekeep who belongs in the community. These are people who can only be described as bigots – and just like any other bigot, their opinions are not valuable. They do not define you, and they do not represent you. You are a wonderful person who deserves to be seen, heard, understood, and respected, no matter what anyone else says.
How To Understand Your Plurality
Plurality is a confusing journey, and you’re likely wondering what steps you can take to go forward in your understanding of yourself, your headmates, and the journey for processing what it means to all of you. It can be scary, and it may feel like you’re navigating in the dark, but know that there’s a light ahead for you.
The following is a list of steps that you could take to better understand your Plurality and how to cooperate and function more effectively in the long term. However, these are not concrete actions that you have to take – every Plural is different, as everyone has different histories, goals and prospects. Take your time, and if you feel it’s necessary, feel free to skip some of these steps.
Documenting Your Headmates
One of the first steps you can take is documenting all of the headmates you have. Figure out who you share a brain with – how many people there are, whether there are any subsystems, and whether anyone is median. Take time to learn everyone’s names and who they are. Often times different headmates have distinct genders, sexualities, ages, interests, skills, and even species. They’ll all want to be seen and understood for who they are, and it can make all the difference to reach out to them and make the effort to learn. Just like people in the outside world, your headmates will value the effort you’ll spend understanding who they are.
Plural Roles
Once you’ve taken time to chart out who your headmates are, you’ll want to figure out – if it’s applicable – what roles they may play in your Plurality. For Plurals that have them, roles are the jobs that your headmates do to support one another and help each other more effectively as a unit. Every Plural is different, and there isn’t just one firm set of roles that every headmate must fall into. For that matter, not every headmate even needs to have roles they play. Some Plurals may not have roles either, and that’s okay as well.
However, for Plurals that do have roles, it can be immensely valuable to understand them and how they work. Figuring out what jobs your headmates do to support one another, what they do best to help each other, can make all the difference.
For instance, certain headmates may do a great job providing support on the inside, allowing for emotional support and providing an ear always eager to listen. However, they may not be so good at handling things on the outside and the toils that come with fronting. Other headmates, on the other hand, may be better off handling things with fronting, handling the duties that come with managing the health of your shared body.
Labels And You
One thing to also keep in mind is figuring out which labels fit you. Many Plurals refer to themselves as systems, however, many other terms exist, including collective, group, or organization. This is completely up to you to choose, and there is nothing wrong with anything that you pick. It’s also okay if you don’t know – there is no rush in your journey, as it’s all about what suits you best.
Communication In Your Plurality
Another priority ought to be working up and building communication between everyone in your Plurality. You’re all different people or consciousnesses with different aspirations, goals, and priorities. Working to build a community, an understanding, a connectedness between everyone is significant in creating a life that will work well for everyone’s benefit.
This isn’t something that can just happen overnight, and it can often take many weeks, months, or even years to build up a system that works well for everyone involved. Many Plurals usually start off struggling to communicate with anyone, unable to talk to others in their headspace, lacking the ability to be co-conscious, and having little clue how to navigate their inner world. It’s important to keep in mind that progress in this regard isn’t linear, and that no matter how long it takes you, you are valid.
Resources For New Systems
If you’re looking for some resources to learn more about your Plurality, The Plural Association has you covered. A helpful article to view is ‘’Who Are Your Headmates – Recognizing Your Plurality.’’
Then. kick-start your process by making use of the free ‘’Get to really know your Alters’’ questionnaire by The Plural Association. This is one of our most valued resources by Plurals, featuring 100+ questions to ask your (new) headmates – available in 6 different languages!
After that, get your free copy of the 70-page Allies of Plurals magazine. It contains a lot of information for new Plurals, and can be used to help you with coming out as Plural to your family and friends.
(Not sure yet if you are Plural? Read this.)
What Else The Plural Association Offers
While you may be able to figure out how to manage all of this without any outside support, it’s crucial to keep in mind that you don’t have to. The Plural Association offers a wide array of resources available to any Plural who may need them. Among these resources include over 40 articles discussing many different Plurality-related subjects, over 150 videos available to help showcase the nuances of Plurality, and so much more.
In addition, if either one-on-one or group discussions are more up your alley, The Plural Association has a community available to every Plural out there who is looking to discuss what it means to be Plural, and all the parts and components that come with it. It includes a weekly group text chat and monthly virtual meetups. It’s a great place to find a sense of belonging and recognize that you’re not alone in this world, inside or outside.
Conclusion
You’re not alone in this. As scary as it can be figuring yourselves out and trying to decipher all the aspects of your psyche, you don’t have to fight these battles by yourself. You have the support of those you share a brain with, alongside other Plurals who have been in the exact situation you are now. No matter what happens, know it’s going to be okay and that you never have to be alone again.
Feel free to share the above images with Plurals and allies! Right click any of the above images, click open in new tab, from there right click the image and click save as.
Need alt text for those images? To download our PDF version for free, please click the following text: PDF Plurality infographic
As always, we encourage you and your System to follow your own truth, to soul search, to find words, labels, visions, theories and communities that aren’t only within your values but also match your lived experience and/or long term goals, so that you might find belonging and don’t have to try to fit in.
Thank you for investing the time to read this article. Please, feel free to leave comments or feedback in the comment section.
The Plural Association is the first and only grassroots, volunteer and peer-led nonprofit empowering Plurals. Our works, including resources like this, are only possible because of support from Plurals and our allies.
If you found this article helpful please consider making a donation.
Together we empower more Plurals!
Disclaimer: Thank you for reading our peer article; we hope it was empowering, informative and helpful for you and your System. There are as many Plural experiences, as there are Plurals. So not all information on this website might apply to your situation or be helpful to you; please, use caution. We’re not doctors or clinicians and our nonprofit, our work, and this website in no way provide medical advice, nor does it replace therapy or medication in other ways.
About the authors
Mira Lazine, also known as the Invariant System, is a system of roughly 80 headmates working to write about topics like science, gaming, politics, and plurality. You can find more of their works over on Twitter.
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I think I’m interested in this, but i am older. It hurts me to see — although I’m happy for you plurals — the change, because of my losses and my being left so far behind. My whole life was denial, confusion, shame. I also only have 2 internal extra selves. I have felt so “less than” classic multiples. Never fit in with forums. I have felt so uncared about, like being “out of style.” Wrote a book and no one cares. My feelings could be compared to an older gay person, nearing the end and watching the joy and freedom of the young. Happy for them, yet wondering if they know or care what went before and how things used to be. I am also tech challenged to the point where this very information is confusing to me. Very confusing. I don’t know if I will be able to participate. I don’t understand how to choose, enter or what I’d be able to do. The idea of support as my real name is a dream that cannot happen. I could really use a person or two to just email or chat in a simple, old-fashioned way. I really could. I have lost out… born at an unlucky time. I wish I could feel happier and excited, but I just can’t. I’m sorry about that. But this is all over my head… and it just hurts.
Hello, thank you so much for your comment! We think and know it is very important to learn from our elders and those that came before us, your lived experience is important and valuable, and it would be an honor to learn more from you and others about our community history. We understand that technological barriers are frustrating and that it can make our work for some inaccessible. We gladly take the time to explain things to you if that helps. This is one of the reasons we hope to open The Plural Warmline, so soon you can just call a phone number to talk to someone who is also Plural and trained to answer such calls. For now, you can email us and use your own name(s) at contact@thepluralassociation.org