Be proactive and discover how you can help each other to stay within your individual and collective window of tolerance. We all deserve support, no matter the labels we use or the roles we take upon ourselves or were forced into.
We want to challenge you, if it is safe for you all, to assume positive intent and to build connection and community with each other inside. We all make mistakes, and we learn together and from each other. We have to hold ourselves accountable and ensure we do not become like our abusers. We have the chance to change the dynamics we have inside, we actively choose how we treat each other, and hopefully we choose to do it with understanding, empathy and compassion.
It might help to remember that you do not have to go at this alone. Your Headmates can help you. Some of you might be better at this than others and that is okay, it’s okay to use each other’s individual strengths to make it better for the whole collective. Cultivating an internal culture of respect, equity and compassion is a worthy time investment.
We found that sometimes we slipped into looking at some of our Headmates in the same ways they were seen by our abusers. Sometimes we even reacted in the same way to them as our abusers did, this especially happened in shame responses. So we asked ourselves multiple times over the years, who was actually persecuting who.
We aren’t perfect, and we learn and grow each and every day together. But we have noticed that truly letting go of the persecutor vs protector labels and thinking, has improved the long-term quality of life of all our Headmates. Our protectors now can ask and receive help and support. Working together like this often leads to doing a better job at it in the first place.
Our persecutors aren’t shamed or shunned anymore. Instead, they find support inside and over time they have learned to ask for help upfront instead of afterwards. We wish this for all of you all! And we sincerely hope the work we and others do with The Plural Association Nonprofit helps you and your System to find the empowerment and support you individually and collectively deserve. Together we are stronger, power to the Plurals.
If you want to learn more about persecutors we highly recommend this video from The Plural Positivity World Conference 2022: