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CW mentions of origin ideas and theories. Mentions trauma, mentions of people making other people Plural on purpose, mentions of self hypnosis, no details.
Big shout-out to all the community members who gave us the confidence to post this one publicly. It’s taken us many years to be able to put this in words and we hope it proves valuable to you all in your own discovery process.
Let’s talk?
In my humble opinion, something cannot be a disorder and a coping skill simultaneously. Trauma does not give you coping skills, it gives you PTSD. So how can DID be a coping skill and a disorder caused by trauma simultaneously?
We believe it is internalized Pluralphobia that tells you, that something outside you has made you Plural. As trauma survivors, it makes sense, to blame abusers for what they have done to us. When everything is new and painful, it helps to be able to blame an outside person, and it can help us to keep safe in times when we aren’t able to handle these complicated and very painful realizations in better ways yet.
We all started at the start of the road, no one starts Plurality at the top of the mountain, we all got to climb up first. It helps, sometimes, to follow the footsteps of those who paved a path before us.
I want to avoid generalizing, and I don’t think this concept works for people who are mid in trauma time or who discovered Plurality very recently, MAYBE skip this post and come back to it another day, when you are further along on the path. It took us MANY years to get here, and it was a painful process to rumble with.
We say maybe because although we think reading a post like this 10 years ago, could have upset us, it might also have saved us years of trying to find other ways, to explain our experience(s) or even know that was allowed, really. It’s been so healing for us and so empowering.
We also think that, eventually, every System with trauma experience, should at least have a conversation about this, together with their system and if possible, with their therapist or life coach, Plural peer support etc.
Whether it turns out to be true for them or not. We encourage everyone to use their own language, labels, words, their own concepts, their own believes and ideas and stories and theories. This is just our way of explaining what happened to us and why.
If it is a coping skill, Plurality is associated with Trauma, not caused by trauma. Like the DSM-5 states. We bring this point up often and sometimes people tell us it is semantics to debate such little differences in the meaning of words. But I do not believe this to be the case.
The DSM-5 costs 25 million dollars to make. They aren’t accidentally putting words in there. They don’t add sentences because they want to fill up the book. There is a lot, SO MUCH, wrong with the DSM(-5 and the other psychiatric establishments.) But we should not assume that the word and sentence choices are a mistake or co-incidence.
Take for example how many people say that DID caused by trauma, vs what the DSM-5 actually says: associated with, first off: overwhelming experiences, and we all have those. Secondly traumatic events, no age mentioned btw. Thirdly and/or abuse occurring in childhood. Not early childhood, childhood and not specific age is mentioned btw.
So, if DID was caused by trauma, that would mean all trauma, no matter the age or if it happened once or many times, would lead to (a form of) DID (which is what ToSD explains btw.)
It would also mean we would have to proof our trauma before we could get diagnosed and possibly that someone would have to validate that it was bad enough to cause (this level of) DID.
It would mean that someone outside us, could guarantee to make us Plural, by using trauma, which is not the case. Some people and some Headmates, have been made Plural on purpose, where trauma was part of the mechanisms in place to reach that goal, but it was not only trauma that caused the Plurality, or it would work on everyone, and it does not work on everyone, but it certainly works on some people and it is never those people their fault, that it worked on them.
(EDIT: We are in NO WAY saying, or implying people can’t be made Plural by outsiders. Our lived experience doesn’t allow for such denials. We used the word ‘guarantee’ on purpose in the sentence above. We are editing this sentence per request of the community, to clarify that we are saying yes, people can definitely be made Plural against their will and no, there isn’t 1 technique out there, that guarantees someone becomes Plural (against their will.) We know this because of family abuse, where multiple siblings were faced with similar abuse (tactics) but not all siblings became Plural. This article isn’t about programming but we wanted to honor the request for clarification by the community, we wrote more about programmed / designed Systems from lived experience here. )
If it’s a coping skill, we did not split off or break, we multiplied or pluralized or whatever words you want to use, for the experience you had. Many were already Plural before any trauma could have happened to them. I truly think this breaking and splitting off, is a harmful concept made up by singlets, that doesn’t apply to most Plurals, but possibly some. However, IMHO it should not be the norm, and it is.
Because, when we ‘’split off’’ nothing goes away from 1 Headmate to create another. When I find or create (consciously or subconsciously) a new Headmate, I do not become any less, nothing goes away from me and as far as I have understood, this is the experience for most.
It also implies others can make us Plural, like we already discussed above for a bit. But all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. And all Plurality is self-Plurality. If you think this is victim blaming, you are missing my intent. I’m saying we collectively, saved ourself/ves. No one broke us/you darling, we saved ourself/ves. They can’t break us, because we can Pluralize, if needed (or desired) to protect and save ourselves, and we did.
![‘’We mask [our Plurality] to fit in, we take the mask off to find belonging.’’ The Stronghold System](https://ercgf2bv99s.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/there-is-beauty-in-the-struggle.-we-are-in-this-together..png?strip=all&lossy=1&ssl=1)
And we deserve to have these realizations, because it allows for so much self/ves love and self/ves compassion and empowerment, and you all deserve nothing less.
The other day, we had a really powerful moment with our System, that we wish for everyone. We were just doing the dishes together, humming a song, dancing around through the space of our kitchen for a bit, saw a bird land in the garden, watched it while making coffee. And all of a sudden, one of our systemkids says ”hey Stronghold, we actually did it you know, we are really safe now, like you promised.”
We stood there in our kitchen, feeling our feelings, appreciating the many emotions it brought up, together we faced those emotions, together we helped each other to feel and process and sit with it. We held each other while we stood there watching that bird. Not in a dissociated way, no we were oh so present for this moment, together. We wish that and so much more, for all of you.
We all deserve ideas and theories and stories of how we are not broken. These are our ideas about it. Which at least goes for my own System, but I think it goes for more Systems, if not now, than possibly one day, when they are ready and want to, in the future.
It is not my intent to offend, and we understand this doesn’t go for everyone and we also believe it is so worth it to sit with these possibly painful feelings and examine them and talk with your Headmates about it and find liberation and empowerment in it. We wish you all, all the best. – Stronghold.
PS. We are always open to your constructive feedback and ideas via the comment section below, but please know this article is about our own lived experience, and we tried hard to not invalidate others their experiences and appreciate it if people give us the same courtesy.
As always, we encourage you and your System to follow your own truth, to soul search, to find words, labels, visions, theories and communities that aren’t only within your values but also match your lived experience and/or long term goals, so that you might find belonging and don’t have to try to fit in.
Thank you for investing the time to read this article. Please, feel free to leave comments or feedback in the comment section.
The Plural Association is the first and only grassroots, volunteer and peer-led nonprofit empowering Plurals. Our works, including resources like this, are only possible because of support from Plurals and our allies.
If you found this article helpful, please consider making a donation.
Together we empower more Plurals!
The Plural Association is the first and only grassroots, volunteer and peer-led nonprofit empowering Plurals. Our works, including resources like this, are only possible because of support from Plurals and our allies.
If you found this article helpful please consider making a donation.
Together we empower more Plurals!
Disclaimer: Thank you for reading our peer article; we hope it was empowering, informative and helpful for you and your System. There are as many Plural experiences, as there are Plurals. So not all information on this website might apply to your situation or be helpful to you; please, use caution. We’re not doctors or clinicians and our nonprofit, our work, and this website in no way provide medical advice, nor does it replace therapy or medication in other ways.
About the authors
The Stronghold System are the proud volunteer founders & CEO of The Plural Association Nonprofit. They are from the Netherlands and reside in a 30-something-year-old body, are nonbinary, parents of an amazing child & 3 cats. They got diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder over 10 years ago & also self ID as Plural.
This is how we’ve always seen it, it wasn’t caused by trauma, but as a response to not only traumatic events but also in order to be able to appear “fine” when they weren’t occurring. Our therapist agreed that it’s a survival mechanism for both of those reasons, we (felt like we) needed to hide that the trauma was occurring and not upset the family due to the parents issues (suicidal mother etc) and it explains why one of us is pretty much happy all the time and was the “real one”. I sometimes upsets her to have found out that we’re like this but at the same time it’s like “well that explains a lot”.
The trauma didn’t make me, I just have memories of it that I keep away from the others and I now have other coping mechanisms in order to be able to function. That’s why some of us are, because of trauma, but we’re not trauma. We weren’t made by it, we came to be as a response to it so actually saying that we exist because of trauma feels more like being told that we are trauma, but we’re just people that experienced and have memories of a lot of trauma, it’s not the core of our identities nor would we want it to be. It’s probably why we grew up to be individuals that have experienced trauma, but have other things we find more important, we’re more than the traumatic experience we remember even if it shaped who we are because well, life is more than that. It’s hard to cope with the trauma, it varies how intrusive it is, but it’s why when we’re exhausted there’s someone else to continue living while we rest up. I’ll probably be the one that ends up being there when shit hits the fan due to being able to handle it, not handle it well necessarily (I’m just completely out of it in the sense that nothing is real, including me), but when we deal with things it might get better. Last time I was thrown out into the body was because we ended up in the ER and we’ve experienced medical abuse so it can’t be helped (yet!), but I eventually noticed that I wasn’t alone, S was there too and guided me through the chaos that is understaffed hospitals. Working together is important but the feeling that you’re all alone, abandoned by those that should protect me, so I have to make it on my own does still haunt me.
I’m writing about my own experiences because I’m in control of the body currently, but R very much agrees that while we split our mind into different people as a way to survive and it wasn’t the trauma that made us. Nah, it was the mind of a child determined to survive, and he most certainly have embraced that since he’s someone that won’t be stopped easily but like he just said; he’s not a child anymore. Most of us have grown up and very much into fully fledged individuals with minds of our own, that might agree or disagree, but it’s important to be able to agree to disagree. Not just as a plural, but as a person. You’re never going to change someone’s opinion by calling them names and refusing to hear what they have to say, you don’t have to agree with someone to hear what they have to say, why they think or act a certain way. Opinions are still opinions and facts—might change as our (humanity’s) knowledge about the world expands and then we might have to re-evaluate things, but they’re still more than opinions. Science isn’t perfect, we don’t have all the tools and there’s a reason why things need to be updated constantly. Like this current debate on how many senses humans have, but it’s probably more than the five we were taught in school, it’s just a question of what should count as one and what they’re not so sure about. Humanity is evolving, it’s just not in the way that people think about evolution but rather our knowledge, understanding and the tools we use—to name a few examples. Things aren’t set in stone, and one day our rock will be annihilated by the sun anyway, or at least the universe seems to work that way. There’s more unknown than known and it might frighten some, but I find it exiting that despite all the knowledge out there that’s impossible to learn everything about before you die, there’s even more than that to be discovered. How can we say we know everything when we don’t even know what’s in the deepest parts of the oceans? I’m just very curious about pretty much everything so I tend to have an open mind, but have a natural tendency for critical thinking so don’t expect me to make my mind up easily, but rather expect me to change it when I’ve been wrong. I rarely talk in absolutes, but voice things as a question? I should just end every sentence with a question mark rather than a period shouldn’t I? But that’d look weird lol